Monday, July 02, 2007

Scooter Libby's Friend And Yours: Prozac The Clown Returns

Hi kiddies! It's great to be back at your great little day care. Prozac thought he'd drop by unannounced today because he knows that some of your parents will be talking about Prozac's fellow clown, a clown named Scooter Libby. He's got a very special clown job. It's to make the President happy!! And that's just about the bestest ever job a clown can have.

Now, remember last time Prozac was here, when people were saying how they were sending Scooter to jail and it made his head hurt because it didn't make sense? And Prozac put his hands up on both sides of his poor head, put them into his big red hair and he said, "Ow-wie!?" Well Prozac's head is better now! The President said Scooter doesn't have to go to jail after all. Now everything in Clown-Land makes sense again. Toot-toot!

Some of your parents might be very happy or very sad tonight. If they're happy, that's nice. It's nice when parents are happy, even if they are for pathetically wrong reasons. In Clown-Land we call that "Farce," and it's a tool we use when we want to make things look silly. And so many things are silly anyway that it's really easy. Toot! But if they're sad, and start spouting incomprehensible meaningless blathery-things like this:
Pelosi: Shows Bush's "Word Is Not To Be Believed"...Schumer: This "Completely Tramples On" Principal Of Equal Justice...Reid: Act "Disgraceful"
...Obama: Move "Cements The Legacy Of An Administration Characterized By A Politics Of Cynicism And Division"...Edwards: Bush "Clinically Incapable Of Understanding That Mistakes Have Consequences"
If they're sad and confused, they won't give you as many presents, and that's never good, huh? So when you go home you need to give them Prozac's Special Thought of the Decade, so they can start to be happy and make sense again. Repeat it after me so you don't forget:
"Dear Mommy and Daddy: where the hell have you been since before I was even born? Don't you realize these guys make Hitler and his goons look like a political vaudeville act? Why did you think the President was going to put his favorite clown in jail?"
Good! Here let's try it once more: "Don't you realize these guys make Hitler and his goons look like a political vaudeville act?" Better. You're such smart girls and boys, and you're going to do just gr-r-r-r-reeeat!

Now, you could also tell your parents, if they come back at you with any guff, a different Special Thought. Maybe even the Special Thought of the Century! So we can keep it as our secret, if you want. Because no one is going to believe us anyway. Prozac is just a clown. And lots of people think little kids aren't smart, and don't want to listen to them. But we know better, right? You can learn better and faster than just about anybody!

You know, Prozac sees lots of cars driving around with bumper stickers on them that say "01.20.09," or "Visualize Bush Out of Office," and he hears people saying, "We've turned things around before, and we can do it again." Prozac has to scratch his head, stroke his chin, and then maybe even scratch his butt when he thinks about that one. Prozac knows Scooter and the President's other clowns, he knows how much fun they're having and how good they are with the new tricks they've practiced so hard on. So his tiny clown brain doesn't see why they're going to get ready to leave. [Stage whispers to the day care children.] Maybe not ever leave.

Remember, kiddies, this message to your parents is optional. "Optional" means you can tell it to them if you feel like it, or you can forget all about it and get popsicles or ice-cream sandwiches from the freezer and go play Nintendo and get your hands and the controllers all sticky!! Prozac is only going to tell you because you're such special boys and girls and he thinks you're so clown-eriffic! Toot-toot! Ok. Here it is:
"Dear Mommy and Daddy: What will you do if the President and his clowns don't leave?"

So kiddies, not to end on a downer. C'mon, not one of you is 5 years old yet, and your day care provider just threatened me with an icy gaze. Prozac really thinks what happened today is good. Scooter Libby, while a very, very good clown, is just a clown who works for a very big and very bad man. That's why Prozac works alone! Toot! And people are going to get more and more mad at the bad man for things like this, and maybe if they get angry enough they will take Scooter's bad President to where they take all bad men. Away! See you soon, kiddies!


Fleming said...

I just discovered your blog by way of Naj's blog, and I'm glad I did. This "Prozac" post is so clever in its conception and written with such verve and wit and all I can say is, "Bravo!"

I'm adding you to my reading list, so now you can add one to your horde.

MarcLord said...

Naj is truly a haven, Hope at Deep Confusion introduced us.

Thanks for praise, fleming. As Prozac told me once, flattery will get you everywhere!