Subpoena-rama

Congress issued subpoenas to White House insiders Harriet Miers and Karl Rove last week. In an apparent response, the Federal Government subpoenaed Michael Moore for bringing members of the World Trade Center rescue crew to Havana for medical treatment.

Let's think about this for a minute. Miers and Rove had it coming, and can handle themselves. But the White House must be losing it. Calling Michael Moore to give testimony under oath is like giving Robin Williams a race car, a full tank of gas, tapping Johnny Knoxville as his co-driver, and telling them to race across the country documenting the Cannonball Run. Issuing a subpoena to Michael Moore alone is tantamount to the Catholic church giving Joan of Arc a syndicated talk show.

Nothing could please Moore more. He's the Oprah of the white, pissed-off middle class. This should be interesting, and it will give "Sicko" some legs:

LENO: I was asking you about them in the dressing room. And this is like one of these dramatic moments. We were backstage, and I said, “Hey, what happened with them? I know you took them to Cuba, and I know a couple of months ago the government went after you for going to Cuba” –

MOORE: Took them to Guantanamo Bay.

LENO: Yeah. And everybody to get their health care.

MOORE: Because I heard the al Qaeda terrorists that we have in the camps there detained are receiving free dental, medical, eye care, the whole deal, and our own 9/11 rescue workers can’t get that in New York City. And I just thought there was something completely crazy about that, so we sailed into Guantanamo Bay and filmed it, to try to get them the same care we’re giving al Qaeda. The Bush administration became upset at that, and it informed me at the same — when I was on the show last — that they were investigating me for doing this.

LENO: Well, investigating you for going to Cuba.

MOORE: Yeah, because Guantanamo Bay is in Cuba, and once we’re there in Cuba, we couldn’t get any help, so we went and got help from the Cuban doctors.

LENO: But a lot of celebrities go to Cuba.

MOORE: Yeah, oh yeah. Leonardo DiCaprio has been there, Cameron Diaz.

LENO: Sure, a lot of people go. But what happened just an hour ago —

MOORE: You want me to tell what happened –

LENO: Sure, go ahead.

MOORE: Ok, well, I haven’t even told my own family this yet, so you’re asking me to do this on national television.

LENO: Yeah, but it’s NBC, so not that many people are watching.

MOORE: Alright. Well, I was just informed while I was back there with Jay that the Bush administration has now issued a subpoena for me, going after me for helping these 9/11 rescue workers.

LENO: Well, no, for going to Cuba, it wasn’t for helping them –

MOORE: Well, that’s why I went there. I didn’t go there like Cameron Diaz to get a tan. No offense, I’m all for her tan. I’m just sailing around on a pontoon there in Cuba, but that’s not why I was there. I was there to help them and now I’m going to face this further harrassment from the Bush people. Aren’t they busy with something else?

LENO: What does the subpoena involve? Is it because you went to Cuba, is that why?

MOORE: Yeah, because as free citizens in a free country we’re not allowed to travel to Cuba, but journalists can go, and this was a work of journalism. But frankly, the larger point’s being missed here. The point is that first of all, can we all agree that we should take care of 9/11 rescue workers? You know? And you know, actually, Harvey Weinstein who owns the company that’s distributing the film — the Weinstein Company — they have said that on Aug. 11 this year, they’re going to donate 11 percent of the box office of SiCKO to help these workers and the other workers who need some help.

LENO: That’s good.

The "Department of Justice" wouldn't confirm to CNN that an investigation is underway. But harassing Moore on the basis that he's not a journalist (being a journalist is the only way for a US citizen to legally enter Cuba) is a great idea. I wanna party with you cowboys! And I hope Karl Rove, Alberto Gonzales, and Harriet Miers, should they appear in front of Congress (although I hope they refuse) have as wonderful a time as Michael Moore will in front of his inquisitors.