I Love The Future But There'll Be So Many Ads

When we remember we're all mad the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. Well the "financial crisis" is making us mad in more ways than one and Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone remembered that. Even channeled a little Hunter S while he gained his financial literacy devouring and digesting the strange objects he found in Financial Wormholes. Anyone who reads "The Big Takedown" (courtesy of the Twelfth Bough) will understand and want a six gun in their hand. An excerpt:

In essence, Paulson and his cronies turned the federal government into one gigantic, half-opaque holding company, one whose balance sheet includes the world's most appallingly large and risky hedge fund, a controlling stake in a dying insurance giant, huge investments in a group of teetering megabanks, and shares here and there in various auto-finance companies, student loans, and other failing businesses. Like AIG, this new federal holding company is a firm that has no mechanism for auditing itself and is run by leaders who have very little grasp of the daily operations of its disparate subsidiary operations.

In other words, it's AIG's rip-roaringly shitty business model writ almost inconceivably massive — to echo Geithner, a huge, complex global company attached to a very complicated investment bank/hedge fund that's been allowed to build up without adult supervision. How much of what kinds of crap is actually on our balance sheet, and what did we pay for it? When exactly will the rent come due, when will the money run out? Does anyone know what the hell is going on? And on the linear spectrum of capitalism to socialism, where exactly are we now? Is there a dictionary word that even describes what we are now? It would be funny, if it weren't such a nightmare.

I already had this shit down on the evening of 9-12-01 was a Wall Street refugee already knew it deep within sucking in the ticker tape parade of my ex-boss my co-workers asbestos and blood-soaked obscenities. The perps were going to take everything just a question of what next and we've known for awhile now. Wall Street is LBO'ing our government and the government's bank is redeeming checks to itself. Excuse me. It's not good business to point out a problem if you don't have a solution. Luckily enough there is one it's simple and good.

They're only stealing money and that's the funny thing. It's the key thing. You see their version of money is magnetically charged positive and negative bytes that can appear or disappear with the strike of a return key. That's not real. It's the definition of Virtual. It's the Matrix. So if you've still got your electronic money in big banks in money markets or certificates of deposit you need to take it out. You need to convert the key-strokes while you can into something tangible even if it's only paper then convert it to something harder. Join a community bank or a credit union while you figure it out.

Same if you have shares in things halfway around your country or the world. Sell them carefully but sell some because the devil skewers the hindmost. Distance unfamiliarity and lack of accountability guarantee you'll be the first to get screwed when it comes falling down and not all of us are interested in becoming Warren Buffet's Buddy. Delay the mortgage payment for a week, ten days, two weeks into Credit Debt Obligations. Give them a cleansing fast. Pull the pins on your holy hand grenades niggers I don't use the word lightly because the plan is to make us all slaves.

The solution is to re-scale and make your world small but still extensible. The technologies are already there. Grow vegetables and swap them with your neighbors. Get your ass on facebook your face on assbook on Twitter and introduce the transgender girl you met in Thailand to Louie up the street and share pics of kohlrabi. Invest in good things near you like a brewery or a share in a farm's crop. A cow's milk. You've heard how it was the Vandals and Visigoths who took down Rome but that's not the big history. It was Christ took Rome because he took down their puppets. Thing was the Romans built great roads and couldn't close the Appian Way to Christians. Close the roads and close the commerce so the Christians used their roads and brought in a stronger network. Like the internetz are now. Emperor Constantine in the East converted and his empire lasted another century.

Only thing matters in the end is what your family your friends and neighbors think of you. They are your credit score. My grandfather Karl Elzenbeck died and a quarter of the city showed up for his funeral because he spread good will. The world's going to start looking a lot like how it used to only bigger better and far far more interesting. That's our Future and I can hardly wait. Now is the time to discredit the people we're bailing out with their electronic bonuses to hire protective armies. The people we can't know. There are The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas. There are They Who Are Too Big to Fail. Let's do this thing.

Crude Awakening: Barrels Of Oil Per Ounce Of Gold

As we teeter off the tipping point of a non-negotiable way of life, we collectively suffer from multiple illusions, these still shored up by past observations logged by our inductive social brains. We're like Bertrand Russell's examplary thought-chickens, so convinced of our keepers' benevolence by continued feedings that we say, "See, these humans ain't so bad, look how good they been to us lot! Worth trading a few eggs for, I'd say. Hey what's that sharp metal thing Farmer John's carryin'?" The past lulls us into thinking it's always prologue. It's not, and having been outside this box, my thinking is unorthodox.

I say Farmer John is bent on murder. To wit, the diverging lines in the graph above. The blue and red lines ascending skywards on Jacob's ladder represent the Dollars and Euros required to buy a barrel of oil. The purple line snailing its flat path across the chart is the number of barrels of oil an ounce of gold will buy. Oil and gold are commodities, so they have intrinsic value; dollars and euros are pieces of paper, so they do not. The price relationship between oil and gold has been remarkably stable for the past 70 years. Therefore it's not so much the price of oil which is going up; it's the value of currencies which is going down. That's the key to understanding what is happening to the US place in the world economy, and its likely implications, and whether or not the Eagle is become as paper, as the Bear once was.

Most analysts would probably point to Peak Oil as the cause of oil's price increases, but US demand for oil fell year-on-year by 4% this January, world oil production went up by 2.5%, and world consumption increased by only 2% over the same period. Refiners such as Valero have cut production, called off expansion, and laid off workers because of low margins, yet gasoline reserves are at the highest level in the past 16 years. In this case, Peak Oil or the gas and oil "shortage" touted by the US President and his Secretary of Energy are illusions, and ungloving their hidden hands is easy.

Investment in speculation probably accounts for more than 50% of oil's price increase. Not surprising, since price volatility attracts speculation, and sustained price movements build their own momentum to create price bubbles. The total market in oil futures was worth $9 billion in 2001. It's now worth $250 billion. As the speculation extends, the more it attracts new entrants, and there's little reason to think oil speculation is in a late stage.

But there's something deeper going on than extraordinary oomph in one commodity. Across the board, commodities are up by more than double their year-prior price. Copper, rice, bauxite, silver, chicken feed, flour, you name it. Wheat futures went up by 70% on one Friday a couple of months back. Such broad-based sustained buying is consistent with a flight from currency into alternative values, and it's never happened to this extent in my lifetime. Granted, oil is a special case due to heightened global political risk and to clear domestic policy intentions to work up price--with both POTUS and VPOTUS being influential oil men, they've rewarded their own.

But two causal roots are anchored still further in the earth, and both are tolling knells to continued American leadership in the world. Each is a clear signal of lost fiscal confidence, at least in US tender. Primo, foreign banks want to unload gigantic dollar holdings, and they've been doing so. China alone has a $1.5 trillion reserve and has been hoarding commodities for years now. Secondo, the dollar monopoly on oil exchange is now broken, and it's why current US leadership is still considering an attack on Iran.

Suffocating Iran's anti-dollar initiative is critical to maintaining dollar hegemony. If that cannot be done, a day will come when the US government can't print up paper and buy all-you-can-eat energy with it. That means no operational military might, no further capacity to borrow. Government actions would have to be earned by building foreign exchange reserves. I'll turn to Brother Tim (who runs the always-principled, oft-provocative Blog of Revelation) and surface his comment on a previous post (What's That Got To Do With The Price Of Rice?):

The Iranians have now opened up their oil bourse, accepting mainly petro-euros and yen, and a few lesser hard currencies. Absolutely no petro-dollars accepted.

Last September Iran started accepting only yen from the Japanese. The Japanese and the Chinese account for a large part of Iranian oil exports, around 20% each.

Iranian production is capable of 6 million barrels/day, as witnessed in the 70s and 80s. Iranian consumption is just over 1 million barrels/day. They're now producing around 4 million barrels/day, exporting 3. So, roughly 3 million barrels/day has been pulled off the open market (NYMEX & IPE).

Add to that 'Private Oil'. This is backroom dealing between producers and consumers, effectively eliminating the middle-man (NYMEX & IPE). An example of this is the Chinese deal with Sudan to get 200,000 barrels/day @ $60.00/barrel for 10 years, in exchange for investment capital for infrastructure and exploration. Russia and Venezuela have made similar deals with China. Every barrel that is sold or traded in this way is one more barrel taken off the open market. THIS is a big part of the rising oil prices, and will surely get worse as time goes by.

Many think the New York Mercantile Exchange and London's International Petroleum Exchange are invincible. They believe that since the two largest Exchanges are basing oil on the dollar, that the dollar cannot fail. However, when those two Exchanges collapse (and they will) the dollar will go belly-up with them. Every barrel bought with yen, euro, or renminbi, is a barrel lost to the dollar.

Every barrel bought with yen, euro, or renminbi is a barrel lost to the dollar. Because it weaken's the dollar's liquidity. The economic conflict is broken down the old capitalist/communist fault line, except now the capitalists owe the communists huge sums of money. That chart above explains much about how the war is going, and nearly everything about the United States' choice of enemies. Tim, you seem to have an excellent grasp here, and I'd appreciate it if you could expand as you see fit.

Are The Comedy Writers Still On Strike?

I mean, somebody's been doing loop-dee-loops in the upper reaches of the snarkosphere:

Bush: Time is right for Mideast peace

Musharraf has 'advanced the course of democracy' in Pakistan

Bush 'deeply concerned' about Russian protestor arrests

Without doubt, this is professional-level output, and apparently some writers are crossing the keyboard line. It has all the signs of The Daily Show at its best; the bite-off-your-tongue to keep a straight face...the vicious irony, the perfect timing! If language be the food of love, what be pratfall?

(Note: Post truncated. Lord Wife thought the paragraph that used to be here was not only too jaded, but might get me arrested.)

Scooter Libby's Friend And Yours: Prozac The Clown Returns

Hi kiddies! It's great to be back at your great little day care. Prozac thought he'd drop by unannounced today because he knows that some of your parents will be talking about Prozac's fellow clown, a clown named Scooter Libby. He's got a very special clown job. It's to make the President happy!! And that's just about the bestest ever job a clown can have.

Now, remember last time Prozac was here, when people were saying how they were sending Scooter to jail and it made his head hurt because it didn't make sense? And Prozac put his hands up on both sides of his poor head, put them into his big red hair and he said, "Ow-wie!?" Well Prozac's head is better now! The President said Scooter doesn't have to go to jail after all. Now everything in Clown-Land makes sense again. Toot-toot!

Some of your parents might be very happy or very sad tonight. If they're happy, that's nice. It's nice when parents are happy, even if they are for pathetically wrong reasons. In Clown-Land we call that "Farce," and it's a tool we use when we want to make things look silly. And so many things are silly anyway that it's really easy. Toot! But if they're sad, and start spouting incomprehensible meaningless blathery-things like this:

Pelosi: Shows Bush's "Word Is Not To Be Believed"...Schumer: This "Completely Tramples On" Principal Of Equal Justice...Reid: Act "Disgraceful"
...Obama: Move "Cements The Legacy Of An Administration Characterized By A Politics Of Cynicism And Division"...Edwards: Bush "Clinically Incapable Of Understanding That Mistakes Have Consequences"

If they're sad and confused, they won't give you as many presents, and that's never good, huh? So when you go home you need to give them Prozac's Special Thought of the Decade, so they can start to be happy and make sense again. Repeat it after me so you don't forget:

"Dear Mommy and Daddy: where the hell have you been since before I was even born? Don't you realize these guys make Hitler and his goons look like a political vaudeville act? Why did you think the President was going to put his favorite clown in jail?"

Good! Here let's try it once more: "Don't you realize these guys make Hitler and his goons look like a political vaudeville act?" Better. You're such smart girls and boys, and you're going to do just gr-r-r-r-reeeat!

Now, you could also tell your parents, if they come back at you with any guff, a different Special Thought. Maybe even the Special Thought of the Century! So we can keep it as our secret, if you want. Because no one is going to believe us anyway. Prozac is just a clown. And lots of people think little kids aren't smart, and don't want to listen to them. But we know better, right? You can learn better and faster than just about anybody!

You know, Prozac sees lots of cars driving around with bumper stickers on them that say "01.20.09," or "Visualize Bush Out of Office," and he hears people saying, "We've turned things around before, and we can do it again." Prozac has to scratch his head, stroke his chin, and then maybe even scratch his butt when he thinks about that one. Prozac knows Scooter and the President's other clowns, he knows how much fun they're having and how good they are with the new tricks they've practiced so hard on. So his tiny clown brain doesn't see why they're going to get ready to leave. [Stage whispers to the day care children.] Maybe not ever leave.

Remember, kiddies, this message to your parents is optional. "Optional" means you can tell it to them if you feel like it, or you can forget all about it and get popsicles or ice-cream sandwiches from the freezer and go play Nintendo and get your hands and the controllers all sticky!! Prozac is only going to tell you because you're such special boys and girls and he thinks you're so clown-eriffic! Toot-toot! Ok. Here it is:

"Dear Mommy and Daddy: What will you do if the President and his clowns don't leave?"

So kiddies, not to end on a downer. C'mon, not one of you is 5 years old yet, and your day care provider just threatened me with an icy gaze. Prozac really thinks what happened today is good. Scooter Libby, while a very, very good clown, is just a clown who works for a very big and very bad man. That's why Prozac works alone! Toot! And people are going to get more and more mad at the bad man for things like this, and maybe if they get angry enough they will take Scooter's bad President to where they take all bad men. Away! See you soon, kiddies!

Introducing: Prozac The Clown

Several Hordies have taken the time to blame me personally for throwing them into spiralling black funks of suicidal depressions, stemming directly from one of my recent book reviews. Hey... guys: look at it this way: at least I saved you from reading the book. Plus, it was on Oprah's Book Club, it won a Pulitzer Prize, and I even told you about the happy ending! Humanity survived in the end, didn't it?! And can I help it if Lord Mother watches Oprah, fer chrissakes? I do feel your pain, and so have decided, just for you, just for today, to become...Prozac the Clown. I am putting on my fake nose right now.

Toot, toot! Hey kiddies! Do you know who Scooter Libby is? He's a clown, too! Only he's a very special clown. His job was to make the President happy. And that's why he was called Scooter Libby, that's right, Emily! Scooter got his federal prison inmate number assigned today. That makes Prozac feel very sad for Scooter because he and many of his friends are fellow clowns. But it turns out that clowns can go to prison, too. Even if they work for the Bush Administration. Having the President's favorite clown go to prison doesn't make sense to poor Prozac, it makes his head hurt, oww-ie, so Prozac will believe it when he actually sees it. Can you say, "the jury is still out?" Sometimes Prozac says that when he doesn't know if something is finished yet. The jury's still out! The jury's still out! Hee-hee! Even so, just in case, Prozac has had a T-shirt made for his friend Scooter to wear in prison:

I'm Here For Dick (Cheney).

Haa-ha-ha-hee! Toot-toot! Kiddies, maybe you've heard your parents or their friends say funny stuff like this:

"If the liberals would stop spending so much money on midnight basketball, free abortions and treasonous investigations of the Executive and Vice-Presidential branches of government, we could afford to build more small-town prisons and boost the local economies."

If you're like Prozac, you know that grown-ups can be ree-eee-ally silly sometimes! This stuff about midnight basketball and treason is just fancy-talk, kind of like when they spell things with letters so you can't understand. What they really mean is that they're freaking out and will beat you with a shoe after you fall asleep. And what's that mean? Right, that means they need a Time Out. Say it with Prozac: "Mommy, you need a Time Out." "Daddy, you need a Time Out." Good! You're such wonderful boys and girls. Oh, and if any of them touch you in or around your "bad places," then you come tell Prozac right away, ok? Then we can report them to the state and send them to prison to keep the economy boosted!

Now, kiddies, Prozac has to go really fast to visit another party, but when you get home he wants you to get out your dictionaries and look up this word: immigrants. Im-mi-grants. Will you promise Prozac to do that? Good! Because then we can talk about it next time! [Prozac mounts brightly painted orange, lime, and purple scooter festooned with pom-poms.] Bye-bye kids, and remember the Prozac Promise: Take Your Ritalin to Be a Good Citizen!

It's All Part Of My Neo-Con Fantasy

L. Paul Bremer, part of the Axis of Ineptitude, somehow got to write an exculpatory, self-serving, ass-kissing editorial in the neo-con-trolled Washington Post. There's a reason I refer to that infiltrated propoganda tool as the "WaPoo," and I refuse to read it or to pay for the publication until the blogsphere spits something good out of it, of which there is admittedly some. Besides the cant and propaganda, I hear they have a fairly nice entertainment section. As part of my education, I had to read issues of the Pravda (to get a decent grade) while the Soviet Republic was eating itself from the inside out. Reading the WaPoo is disturbingly similar, as commenter "peterp" notes over in the comments at Sic Semper Tyrannis:

Today it's Bremer, tomorrow it will be Liz Cheney, the day after Ken Pollock or Fred Kagan -- or, who knows, maybe even Paul Wolfowitz.

Reading the Washington Post op-ed page these days is like reading Pravda in the twilight years of Communism. It's an endless series of communiques from leading members of the Politburo -- all insisting that nothing has changed and the party is still the vanguard of history. Meanwhile the crops are rotting in the fields, the factories are turning out crap that nobody wants to buy and the workers are all drunk on vodka. But the propaganda machine keeps cranking away.

Which is appropriate, since telling fairy tales is the only core competency of ideologues.

But, peterp, let's not allow neo-cons to give fairy tales a bad name. Let's focus on the bright, moral side of fairy tales. Like, you know, "The Three Little Pigs." Like "Cinderella." And let's not forget "Their Asses Are Grasses, And We're Lawnmowers."

Guest Post: Barney Comes Clean

This picture was taken just after I peed on the coat of His Gaseousness. It wasn't a temporary loss of bladder control, either, not like they made me claim in the press conference. It was a long, satisfying surge.

See that sadistic grin on his face? He's digging his thumbs into my ribs, I can't breathe, and have gone rigid with excruciating pain. And that was nothing compared to what he did later with the couch cushions, suffocating me and shouting, "Enemy combatant! Islamo-terrier!"

I beseech you, America; I'm calling out from Dogmo. Free me from this sick example of your species.