Ask An Uptight Seattleite

The Seattle Weekly now has the above humor column as a regular feature. Having lived in Seattle off and on for 15 years as a transplant, I can relate. Perhaps you'd have to be here to find it funny, and the order is subject to debate, but I'm going to rip off the column either way. Here is our local Hierarchy of Transportation Righteousness, from worst to first:

20) driving a Hummer
19) driving an RV or SUV
18) driving a minivan
17) driving a station wagon
16) driving a compact American car
15) driving a compact German car
14) driving a compact Japanese car
13) driving a biodiesel car
12) driving an electric car
11) riding on the bus sitting down
10) riding on the bus standing up
9) riding in a wheelchair (electric)
8) walking with a child
7) walking while pushing someone in a wheelchair
6) riding in your own wheelchair (manually powered)
5) walking (manually powered)
4) riding a bicycle
3) riding a recumbent bicycle
2) riding a solar- powered recumbent bicycle made from reclaimed military hardware (www.bulletstowheels.org), with recycled hemp tires
1) organically composting yourself