Monday, January 15, 2007

Barney's Continued Support For War Examined

Barney the Terrier, the White House's Director of Canine Affairs, fielded reporters' questions today regarding what some allege to be his wavering support for the war. Reading from a prepared statement, Barney said, "There will be no rush to judgement, and I strongly support the President. While he hasn't been feeding me as consistently, he has continued to give me occasional treats and rubbed my tummy last week. I respect that, and fully expect his performance to improve. Of course I read the polls, and pay close attention to subtle smells and visual cues. These have alerted me to the seriousness of the times, leading to a minor, temporary loss of bladder control, which some partisan observers have maliciously interpreted as a loss of support."

Senior White House correspondent Helen Thomas then took the unusual step of holding up a sizeable portion of take-out chicken teriyaki, and asked, "Barney: Do you support the President's plan for a "surge" in troop levels?" Barney, a black Scottish terrier noted for his even-tempered grace and quiet intellect, was at first unable to answer the question directly. He avoided Ms. Thomas's gaze, trembled, and whimpered slightly. Then, following a pause of perhaps thirty seconds to devour the chicken, Barney regained his composure to state, "Helen, thank you. That's really not my area of expertise. However as you know, in the course of my duties here the First Lady and I have become extremely close. We've made no final decision, and there is no timeline, but Laura has informed me of her recent purchase of a cyanide Milk Bone," Barney announced to a shocked Press Corps. "Any decision will be mutually undertaken, and if she throws it, I'll be ready."

No comments: