Sunday, December 14, 2008

Iraqi Reporter Establishes Lasting Tradition

Yelling, "This is the end, a goodbye kiss you dog," a journalist for al-Baghdiya TV came up with a far-sighted solution to an important problem. How should we best scorn Bush in his post-preznit days? I hadn't thought of throwing shoes at him, but it's perfect.

I had mused of other things, such as various kinds of death (unrealistic, possibly risky), the International Criminal Court (ditto), spitting on him (requires proximity, classifiable as WMD), cutting out his tongue (outdated, fantasy), mooning him (public nudity, I don't want people to see my ass), denying him internet privileges (not a bad idea, he might start using it), but as a solution the shoe throw works on all levels.

The Arab world is only about fifty years removed from when camels and donkeys were the primary movers, and sewage treatment in Baghdad is not all that it should be, so a shoe is naturally still assumed to have shit on it. At meetings and meals, exposing the bottom of your shoe is the worst possible insult in the Mid-East. Shoes are toxic there, shoes are hazardous waste.

In the Western world, there isn't much in the way of law against shoe-throwing, as we lack the tradition. Shoes are not recognized as a weapon, except if they contain explosives, or maybe if you look great in high heels. So if you throw your shoes at Bush, Cheney, or their minions, their security would get uptight, sure, and would rough you up and wrestle you to the ground like with the somewhat biased reporter in the video, but did you just attempt assassination? Of course not. A few bruises are a small price to pay for the heroism that will surely be accorded evermore to Mr. Shoe Hucker in his country.

And really, what crime could you be charged with? Assault seems a bit much...harassing an ex-President is a time-honored pastime...Bush himself seems to be fine with it ("I think it was a size 10") and dodges pretty well, although the second one came very close to nailing him. And, at this point, if it went to trial, what jury would convict? You'd be more likely to get the key to a city,
the Legion of Merit, laid for life.

I think the guideline here is to not draw blood. Imagine. Say you're in Dallas, and you happen to see the ex-President and a couple buffoons eating dinner at a table on the other side of the restaurant. Should you leave in disgust? Nah. Lob a shoe, take out some wine and water glasses. It's the most fitting leg-acy.

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