553 Secretaries of State

In an address to his beloved Heritage Foundation, Vice President Richard "Dick" Cheney denounced House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's visit to Syria, saying:

"By the wisdom of the framers, that power rests in the hands of one commander-in-chief, not 535 commanders-in-chief on Capitol Hill," the vice president said. "I might add that we don't need 535 secretaries of state, either."

The framers didn't have a Capitol Hill when they formed our government. They just had written something which is "just a goddamned piece of paper," as our current Commander-In-Chief is fond of referring their Constitution.

But let's really think about this for a minute. The wisdom of the framers dwelled for quite some time on the topic of avoiding foreign wars, and I'm true-North positive they would've been vehemently against getting our asses kicked in one. In fact, I bet in the current situation Adams, Jefferson, and everybody down to old Button Gwinett would be sending every representative they could to the Middle East so they could see what it was like, talk to the leaders over there, beg for their patience and forgiveness, and tell them the Commander's days are numbered. Many of those secretaries of state would send the message that Cheney wouldn't know the wisdom of the framers if it was crammed down his gurgling craw with the toilet plunger of freedom.

The wisdom of the founders would have applauded Nancy Pelosi's successful offensive, having elegantly run the PR table against the Bush Administration, and if I had to guess, I'd say the Founders would've started to make arrangements for a more Open Source Commander -in-Chief, one holding far less prerogative to keep launching futile thunder, fire, and sword without limit, result, or check.

553 Commanders-in-Chief. At the moment, I can't think of a better idea. Send them all to stroll the markets and cafes` of Damascus and Baghdad, to talk with the parliamentarians whose cafeteria was bombed, to see the glorious struggle for progress up close. It would be so enlightening, and would enliven a debate which, if Mr. Cheney's remarks are at all definitive, has grown unyielding, hostile, and repetitive.

Next stop for Nancy Pelosi: Iran. You go, girl.