The Cheney: Its Camoflage, Morphology, And Evolutionary Cycle

The clip above shows the impressive ability of an appropriately adapted Cheney to imperceptibly blend in with a host populace. Notice how it made reassuring noises while wending its way into a position of central authority, much like a heart-worm uses the circulatory action in a mammalian venous system to eventually reach its target. I offer a draft entymological synopsis for your peer review.

Larval ("Human") Phase:


In this stage the cheney's external carapace is strikingly human-like, and it will attempt to use its considerable powers of mimicry to pass itself off as a human being. It must be careful to shield its internal systems from investigation, however, since its body is actually composed entirely of a combination of cesium, concentrated evil collected in a bolus within the chest cavity, and a malleable semi-organic compound known as floama. The larval cheney will seek positions of power in order to fulfill its primary evolutionary imperative of maximizing human suffering.

Pupal Phase:



In the pupal stage the cheney's floama begins to coagulate, causing decomposition of the human-like carapace and therefore substantially heightening the risk of detection. Adults who have become acclimated to the cheney in the larval phase may not notice the decay of its outer layer; however, it must be careful to avoid dogs and small children. If its quest for power has been successful, it will use this power to attempt to shield itself from further inspection.

As notable as the physical degradation in this phase is the ethical corruption, which accelerates greatly as the bolus of concentrated evil reacts with the cesium and begins to disperse, slowly permeating the organism. The extreme and clearly non-human level of malice exhibited by the pupal cheney may arouse suspicion, but it will generally be able to continue to evade detection long enough to complete its metamorphosis. Eventually the floama will achieve full realignment and the evil will dissolve the now-vestigial outer carapace, leaving...

Adult Phase:



...the fully mature, adult cheney. No longer constrained by its pre-adult need to operate invisibly within human society, and virtually indestructible due to its fully-hardened floama superstructure, the cheney is now free to openly indulge its preferred diet of human young.

NB: This discussion has focused on the dick cheney; cheneys grown from other harvested body parts such as the lung or elbow may exhibit slight variations in morphology (e.g. in the corona capitis of the adult phase).

(Apology: I have left the credit to the end, hoping that you'll think I wrote the above. Alas, except for the first paragraph above, I did not, but stole this piece o' resistance from The Distant Ocean, found via Scruggs, both bloggers well worth checking out.)

Woe, Woe Unto Thee, Wicked-pedia

For those of you who have been led astray into the wages of orgiastic sin by reading godless, liberal-leaning Wikipedia entries, prepare to be saved. Your solution has arrived, courtesy of God 2.0:

Welcome to Conservapedia
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Conservapedia has over 3,800 educational, clean and concise entries on historical, scientific, legal, and economic topics, as well as more than 350 lectures and term lists. There have been over 2,400,000 page views and over 19,600 page edits. Already Conservapedia has become one of the largest user-controlled free encyclopedias on the internet. This site is growing rapidly.

Conservapedia is a much-needed alternative to Wikipedia, which is increasingly anti-Christian and anti-American. On Wikipedia, many of the dates are provided in the anti-Christian "C.E." instead of "A.D.", which Conservapedia uses. Christianity receives no credit for the great advances and discoveries it inspired, such as those of the Renaissance. Read a list of many Examples of Bias in Wikipedia.

Conservapedia is an online resource and meeting place where we favor Christianity and America. Conservapedia has easy-to-use indexes to facilitate review of topics. You will much prefer using Conservapedia compared to Wikipedia if you want concise answers free of "political correctness".

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(Hat Tip to Al C. for showing this path to digital salvation.)

Barack Obama: Muslim Suicide Bomber

And so, it begins...I predicted the Barack Hussein Obama attacks that would come from the Reich Wing, but the speed and stridency surprised me a little. Seems Fox News is pretty convinced Obama went to a madrassah in Indonesia, became glassy-eyed during his religious brainwashing, and is the muslim Manchurian Candidate. Later in the day, Fox News changed its tune slightly to attempt a two-fer, identifying the Hillary Clinton campaign as the source of their madrassah rumor. CNN's Wolf Blitzer does a fine job of clarifying Fox's motives at the Crooks and Liars link here, but I put up the original Fox story from this morning instead. Because it's more bizarre. And chilling. Observe the casual, matter-of-fact way in which these air-heads discuss the muslim infiltration of the US political system. Of course, they might also be aware that their boss (Rupert Murdoch) is Jewish.

Colorado Satan Worshippers Caught, Fined

I've been pondering retirement, or rather the lack thereof, and was kind of day-dreaming for the sort of place I could take my cattle prod collection to. The kind of place which would welcome my wife and me, with our trusty fifty-cal Browning mounted on our kevlar-armored urban assault vehicle's RV's turret ring, and where we wouldn't have to mail away for more ammo. Turns out there may be a place for us. Remember those Christmas wreaths that used to be shaped in the form of a peace sign? Wrong. They weren't peace signs. They weren't even Christmas wreaths. They were hideous insults to the brave soldiers serving our country, not to mention unclean symbols of His Satanic Majesty's dominion over earth, and some good people in a gated community in Pagosa Springs haven't forgotten it. They've had the courage to object to the offensive, devil-worshipping insignia on Lisa Jensen's basement wall in the picture above left:

Some residents who have complained have children serving in Iraq, said Bob Kearns, president of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs. He said some residents have also believed it was a symbol of Satan. Three or four residents complained, he said.

Pagosa Springs, here we come! Although a while back I heard of a town in Nevada that passed an ordnance which prohibits flying any flag except the good old Stars and Stripes. That's pretty darned appealing. It'll make the choice tough, but hey, we've got a few years to decide, and a lot could happen in other places. I mean, we Americans are all about competition.