John Smeaton: Ready For Stardom (But Rather Quietly)

I have been remiss of late in checking for updates over at the Smeatsonian Institution, but much has been afoot. There is a new song out by Mick Merch above, put into a well-done music video by Swinestein Productions. The snappy, straightforward lyrics and catchy song are a fitting tribute to the Smeatonator, who continues to maintain a modestly low profile. Lest ye can't bring yourself to click on the vid and bask in the aural waves of Scottish schlag-metal, here are a couple of choice lines:

Come ahead
I don't care
if there's fire burning in your hair!

and:

We are Scots
We won't worry
We'll smash you up
in a f&**in' hurry!

The curator of the Institution, Mark Tortolano, who has visited Adored By Hordes, met with John Smeats personally and discussed beer, ferrets, how to have a fitting bash, and charities. Mark deserves big kudos for promoting Mr. Smeaton's cause, and for doing so with a great deal of integrity. Apart from the beers I'm sure he plans on sniping. Here is the picture of the fateful pow-wow, the "Big Nite Oot" between the phenom and his loyal Web Admin, complete with signing the PayPal password to 1,400 pints of beer in fresh web-admin blood to match the "unintentionally ironic" T-Shirt:



Viva Smeaton! Viva Scotland! Viva Tortolano!

John Smeaton Found!

Everyone's favorite Everyman finally came out of his shell, granting a bombshell interview to News of the World. Al C., describing that publication as "one of Britain's most respectable papers," sent me the linkie. Thanks Al! I promise not to tell anyone you're running JohnSmeaton.com, a.k.a the Smeatsonian Institution. Its curator was also honored in the article, and news of the site is spreading to other publications. It's a great "Man Bites...Something" story, and during this lengthier interview John's characteristic good humor and healthy responses ("We don't kill people over here. That's not how we do things.") shine through. He describes the attack and the circumstances in relatively lucid detail; may his interview brighten your day as it did mine. It ends thusly:

The next day, John turned up at the airport as usual — but soon realised he was in no fit state for work.

"I couldn't concentrate and kept feeling over-emotional," he said. "In the end my boss said to take as much time off as I need to get over it.

"So I've been trout fishing and played on the Xbox — they're the two great loves of my life."

For the next 24 hours, John was blissfully unaware of his growing fame — until a friend showed him the website set up in his honour.

He said: "I went straight on it and I had the best laugh I've had in years. I'm pleased people have found humour in something so serious."

On Thursday John headed south to Cambridge with his parents Catherine, 68, and Iain, 66, for a cousin's wedding, and has enjoyed the opportunity to lay low.

Now John plans to go back to work as soon as possible — and start claiming his pints at the Holiday Inn.

"I'll treat everyone at work to some drinks but I don't think I'll get through them all," he laughed.

"I'm going to see if I can get the leftover money donated to a charity for soldiers in Iraq. They deserve a pint much more than I do."

He modestly added: "I'm no hero. I know 99.9 per cent of the British public would do exactly the same thing."

Catherine and Ian Smeaton raised a boy right. And did you get the names of his workmates? Kit Kat (always takin' a break), Wingman (for running the truck into an EasyJet), and old Paw Broon (erstwhile Paul Brown). Oh, you'll also find an embedded video of our man, in which you can cheerfully observe the effects of some early pint-ery. (Are those Boddington's I see in that picture??) John, the pints still awaiting ye at the bar at Glasgow airport's Holiday Inn have now grown to number 1,400. Best not let 'em get too far ahead!

John Smeaton - Hero For Our Time

You'll be happy to know that John Smeaton, the Glasgow Airport baggage baron/terrorist avenger, has the aforementioned and hoped-for 1,000 pints of beer lined up for him at the airport's Holiday Inn bar (via Paypal). Thirst no more, Johnny!

John is burning up Google at the moment, and rightly so. Endearingly foot-in-mouth after kicking al-Q'aandie ass, his nation can be proud. (Vids previously posted here, thanks to Al C.) Perversely proud, if they so choose. There's talk of a knighthood for Sir Smeato, and his impromptu promoter is seeking for more. I'll hand the blog to him for a minute:

But are you going to stop now? As well as melting the internet, is there more to be done?

I say there is. I say let’s sort it out. I’m talking T In The Park.

The ‘official word’ goes as follows:

T in the Park organiser Geoff Ellis said: “Through his actions at the weekend John Smeaton absolutely epitomises the spirit of Scotland that we are always so proud of at T in the Park.

“However, due to heightened security and an incredibly tight performance schedule on the Main Stage at T in the Park this year, unfortunately we can’t allow him to get up on stage.”

This make no sense to me.

They talk of a tight performance schedule. And I answer, “But they let Amy Winehouse spend ten minutes falling all over the stage while introducing her band at Glastonbury”.

They talk of heightened security. And we all know, really, that that is a major concern for everyone. But, I ask you, “If you need security, who better to be there than the Smeatonator?”

There is a campaigns page coming soon for signing a petition. Apparently Smeats is already gratefully accepting donations in pubs, since no one has been able to find him for days. No doubt he'll turn up soon. Until then, we bid you "Cheers!" from this side of the pond, John.

John Smeaton "Set About Ye" Terror-Timmies

Al C. alerted me this AM of a local Weegie hero who assisted a Glasgow airport policeman who was being assailed by a flaming...terror-asst. John Smeaton, baggage handler extraordinaire, promptly ran up and "set things right." Smeaton is being hailed as a hero and someone has put up a web site, the purpose of which is to honor Smeats with 1,000 pints. I have ponied up what should be good for a couple pints, even with the exchange rate what it is. Here's a short vid:



And a longer clip of the interview. Quite entertaining. Smeats was quickly assisted by "4, 5, mebbe 6" others in beating the car-bomber down to the ground. Seems terrorists aren't destined to have much luck with Scotland. If ye go te-a Glas-goww, they're sure to "set about ye."