NEWS FLASH: ALL GOVERNMENTS ARE SOCIALIST!

Does your country have post offices? Traffic laws? Do you pay taxes, or are you benefitting from them in any way? Then it is my duty to inform you that you're a stinking socialist. That's right, me pinko. Unless you're prepared to step outside the rule of your prissy laws and take personal responsibility for everything, stop paying your taxes and be imprisoned, you may as well be sending your money to the Karl Marx foundation.

Now, some people get all evasive, argue over it and try to split hairs. But that's pathetic. Let's end the denial, square up and deal with the questions honestly. Merchantile capitalism? Socialism that steals money from taxpayers and gives fabulous amounts of it a few privileged friends. Democracy? Same thing. Nazism (National Socialism, get it?)? Same thing again. Communism? Socialism very similar to merchantile capitalism, but also functions as the state religion. Dictatorial regimes? Dangerously paranoid socialism prone to violent outbursts but sometimes more willing to share the wealth for ego gratification (see "Hurricane Hugo" post below). Anarcho-syndicalist communes? Socialism that's fun for awhile until the meetings become unbearable. Scandinavia? It's just trying to confuse people by taking a deeply flawed system seriously, and will collapse any year now.

So I don't want to hear a lot of whining about commies or how your government or mine is better than anyone else's. Unless you're in prison for tax evasion, then you have my undying respect. Like my main man, Lyndon LaRouche.