Pentagon Announces New COIN Weapons Program

Having cancelled its two-decade old $29 Billion Comanche helicopter development program, the Army announced a revolutionary design shift in accord with its need for rapid-response, terrain-appropriate weapons systems optimized for counter-insurgency operations. One of the first weapons slated for prototyping and development is the LOADD-3, Light Operational Active Deployment Designate, better known as a "TransDonk," or weaponized donkey. Litton, General Dynamics, and Boeing are already involved in the development process and are expected to formally submit early prototypes for testing.

The potential for operational advantages provided by the new animals is high, as they are pre-armed with an intelligent avoidance system and a generally superior field profile over other options, as stated in the Counter-Insurgency Field Manual FM 3-05.213:

Mules are intelligent and possess a strong sense of self-preservation. A packer cannot make a mule do something if the mule thinks it will get hurt, no matter how much persuasion is used…. many people confuse this trait with stubbornness. ... Elephants are considered an endangered species and as such should not be used by U.S. military personnel… Elephants are not the easygoing, kind, loving creatures that people believe them to be. They are, of course, not evil either.

"With the proper genetic modifications and enhanced tractile prosthethics, we foresee a unit able to carry at least 175 lbs. over 20-25 miles of rough terrain per day, coming on line sometime before 2012," a Boeing spokesman said. While declining to discuss specific estimates or the new weapon's more classified performance capabilities, the Pentagon is hoping to keep procurement costs below $2.5 million per unit.

Star Trek: The Lost Iraqi Security Episode

Seems US forces are doing the victory monkey thing in Najaf today, handing over the city's security to indigenous police and army units. Here's an Associated Press account of the ceremonies:

About 1,500 police officers and soldiers paraded on a soccer field, and other officers drove shiny new patrol cars and motorcycles around a dusty track ringing the field.

At one point, a small group of elite Iraqi special forces officers wearing dark green T-shirts stepped forward with a live rabbit and ripped it apart with their teeth.

The leader chomped out the animal's heart with a yell, then passed around the blood-soaked carcass to his comrades, each of whom took a bite. The group also bit the heads off frogs.

Tearing a live rabbit apart with your teeth. That's class. No school like the Old School. The frogs seem a little show-offy, though. Oh, well, when in Rome; anyhow, the Iraqi chapter of PETA is probably keeping a low profile until things settle down a little. It must've been a tough act for the master of PR ceremonies to follow: "Right, then, commander, now if you would take the frog's head out of your mouth and be so kind as to say a few words on this fateful day, we'd be pleased to translate from your native Klingon."

Eiffel Nouveau

This is a cool idea. Take a cheesy tourist trinket commemorating some landmark, go to the landmark, and hold the cheesy trinket up in front of it so it's super-imposed.