Friday, July 01, 2011

When Diplomacy Won't Work

There’s a turf war going on in my yard.
Dandelions are crowding out grasses
with their unauthorized settlements
of fat sprawling leaves. They've set
up dictatorships commanding
all subjects to wear yellow turbans.

I am determined on regime change,
having been influenced in favor
of green by pretty catalogs from seed growers
makers of fertilizers and weed killers.
But I am constrained from chemical warfare
by a higher authority--my wife--and her allies
the deer, who are neutral, nibbling equally
on both sides, and the salmon who swim
around in the saltchuck at the end of our street.

The dandelions have learned to keep
their heads down during mower assaults.
I've lowered the blade in retaliation
but the enemy counters by early ripening,
releasing brigades of midget paratroopers
to spread terrorist cells wherever they land.
Collateral damage body count averages
six slugs per skirmish but I say if the little
buggers can't get out of the way
they deserve what they get.

I have a plan.
I will raise the debt ceiling and mobilize
a children's army to dig up the dandelions,
a nickel a pop. It will be a holy war.
When the number of holes
exceeds the number of dandelions,
I will know I am winning.

In the end, I will win.
God is on my side.


Aguilar Elliot said...

interesting dandelion metaphor

Davoh said...

? .. heh.

Davoh said...

.. might prompt me to write something about blokes in 'tailored' suits and neckties.

Davoh said...

.. um, could sell you a chemical, 'broad spectrum' spray that will .. more or less - 'solve your problem'.

No, wait, 'dandelions' .. um, a specific chemical? Nah, still working on that one. we think it it knocks off 'broad-leaf' stuff, but not quite sure what really happens re the rest of the plant life and ecosystems.

however, not to worry MONSANTO knows. BUY MONSANTO.

Davoh said...

paraphrasing .

When the last bird sings
when the last phone rings
kiss our arse goodbye, honey

we can't eat money.

Anonymous said...

Your blog could use a lot more cheer and less depression.

Fowl Ideas said...

The world is full of dandelions.

Anonymous said...

His mother is responsible for arranging the rape of the teenage daughters of Orange County.
I suspect he got an "early start" and there are numerous rapes of children under 14 in this case.
He was not an "innocent" young teenager.